Active Grieving
We have been taught that grief is only for death but our lives, this world will give us ample opportunities to grieve if we are open to them. Beyond our own personal experience, collective grief has touched us all over the past few years. The shock and loss of those first few days and weeks of the pandemic. Watching a genocide unfold in front of our eyes in Palestine. Seeing the devastation of the climate catastrophe burning down huge parts of LA. Our hearts are heavy and we need to continuously process our grief, both the collective and the personal.
How to actively grieve:
Take some time and space away from people and distractions to really feel your feelings and allow for the grief to come up. For this process to be effective, you want to feel comfortable enough to allow the fullest expression of these emotions to take place until they start to subside, so that might mean putting on some white noise so sounds don't travel, making sure you have things around you to make it a more comfortable experience. This part is important because you don't want to mute or subdue your emotions out of fear that others will hear or judge.
Sometimes allowing the grief to come up can look like big waves of sadness, confusion, anger, or some other large emotion. We’re letting it all come up and flow out of us in whatever way feels best in that moment. This might mean wailing, screaming, falling to the floor, weeping, and heaving. There is no shame in how big and loud these emotions are or how small and uncomfortable they are. Let them flow!
Things to remember:
All feelings are temporary, so even if the grief, anger, sadness feels really big or deep, it will always pass. Feelings always pass in time.
If the feelings are stuck or struggling to come up, feel free to use a little prompt, like a sad song that reminds you of someone you lost, or a movie that you know brings up some big tears
Allow the feelings to come up AND out. The "out" part could mean sobbing, screaming, wailing, bawling, falling to the floor, weeping, or whatever physical expression your emotions take
Do not try to stop or minimize the emotional release. It is so important to allow it to come up fully and finish in its own time
Once the big emotions have completely subsided, I encourage you to take very gentle care of yourself, whether that's eating your favourite nourishing foods, taking a nap or a bath. When choosing what aftercare activities to do, let the body take the lead here, listen to the body's requests instead of the brain's ideas. Another great tip is to take care of yourself the way someone who loves you would take care of you. My hope is that once you've shown yourself the care and love you need to recover from those big emotions, there will be some emotional lightness that comes forth. If you do feel some lightness, lean into it. This might look like laughing, dancing, skipping around, whatever your body wants.
I know that many of us learn in different ways, so I’ve provided a few other resources in case this written outline isn’t quite hitting home.